Manifesting

You know, I remembered wanting to start this page because growing up, having an open sort of diary was very healing for me. With that being said, I haven't posted anything here in months. As I'm sure most of us would agree after a certain age, life be lifing. If it's not one thing, it's another, and half the time I'm just trying to stay sane enough not to end up committed. Y'all feel this?

I've been up against a lot, despite none of it actually being about me, if that makes sense. Both of my siblings have recently endured grueling health challenges that were very scary for all of us. There's absolutely nothing like finding out your younger siblings are seriously ill. Every day I woke up afraid, waiting for some kind of good news / light at the end of the tunnel. It was quite honestly two of the scariest months of my life. I'm happy to report that they're both on the mend thank goodness, but man, that was incredibly challenging to try and go to work every day and smile when I was dying inside from stress and worry. 

I'm also in the process of trying to achieve some personal milestones. As I always say, we should always be trying to one up ourselves you know? There's a couple things that I took away from my sibling's health issues, mainly my own lifestyle / diet and things that I know are just simply not healthy and putting me in peril of facing a similar fate. I've been slowly making changes and I'm committed to being done with all of these things by my 39th birthday in February. 40 is coming you guys and I know that one is going to sting lol I want to feel my best and be proud of my accomplishments by the time that birthday comes to soften the blow lol

I hate aging, I won't even lie or try to sugar coat things. I find something new is always hurting when I wake up, I found ear hair that just sent me in to a spiral, and the wrinkles, let's not even go there lol I'm struggling with not being where I wanted to be by this age which is kind of weighing on me. With that being said, I remind myself that my mom passed so young and that always grounds me and reminds me to be fu<king grateful I'm even still here. It's hard, but I know I have to try and be positive amidst everything happening. It's far too easy to sink in to a state of negativity when you really don't see things happening for you the way you'd always hoped.

At the end of the day, I'm here, I'm trying, and every day I wake up is a new opportunity to make some changes and be the best version of myself. I'm a work in progress, aren't we all?

​Love you all <3

HAPPY VEG