Trapped

Do you guys ever get that crippling feeling that you're never going to get out of a situation you're currently in? Perhaps it's work related, relationship, roommate etc., but there just never seems to be a light at the end of the tunnel. I find myself sort of trapped in that cycle as I sit and type this, and I worry that I'm the one to blame for my current situation. 

Not anything specifically, more so everything, all at once with absolutely no hope on the horizon. It sounds majorly dramatic as I write it out, but it's kind of a catastrophic feeling of how do I get out of this situation? How do I find that light at the end of the tunnel which is almost always there, but we're unable to see it clearly as we are enveloped in what we believe to be a multitude of obstacles. I'm feeling it particularly hard this morning you guys. How do I get to that point where I'm happy? Where I'm comfortable on my own? Where everything doesn't feel so hopeless? I know there's hope, I just can't find any right now.

I'm struggling with a lot of things currently. As I've stated before, I quit my last job because my left foot is in agonizing pain all of the time. It's now hurting even when I'm just sitting which is a painful reminder that I most definitely need surgery. Where does that leave me when it comes to sourcing work? I've been on the hunt now for a month and I've probably applied to 10 jobs that fit my skillset and needs. I need to be sitting for most, if not all of my shift. I need to make over a certain amount of money so that I can get ahead again and get in to my own space. I'm desperate to be on my own, but I'm sabotaging myself with my expenses that don't correlate with my budget. I've always had this issue with money where yes, my bills are paid, but I'm not saving a penny. How do you get ahead when you're spending like you have an endless stream of money? My own problem, but I recognize it at least.

Ugh, I always sound so depressey when I'm on here yapping, but I kind of use this part of my blog as a diary / release when I can't talk to someone about how I'm feeling. I could chat with my friends of course, but I hate being a buzzkill, and everyone has their own problems that they're trying to navigate that I don't want to add to.

I'm always reminding myself that I should be grateful for the things I DO have. A roof over my head, my health for the most part etc., but it's easy to sink into the negatives when they just seem to keep piling up. Don't worry about me, that's what I'm saying to you all AND myself, I know I can pull myself out of this funk. I just hate that this cloud looms over me constantly making me feel like I could've done things differently.

There's always hope, sometimes you just have to search a little harder for it. Love you all. 

HAPPY VEG