Reflections - May '23

I'm at a bit of an impasse in my life at the moment. I caught myself getting upset over very trivial things yesterday, and when I actually took the time to try and understand why I was getting so frustrated, I realized it's attributed to my general unhappiness in my current life situation. I don't want to sound depressed or anything, because that's not what this is, it's more of a desire to move on but being unable to that's causing my disdain. 

A couple years ago when the restaurant I work at was sold to a new owner, I saw it as an opportunity to leave and start something new. When I met the new owner, I realized I absolutely loved her and wanted to make sure that she was helped through the process of learning everything and managing the restaurant. Now, 2 years in, I'm back to the same feeling I had at that moment, being so ready to move on to something new but also being unable to for a multitude of reasons. Financially, I'm not ready to move to another province in Canada. Secondly, I don't think it's time to leave because my heart will always be with this restaurant. I've put 7+ years in to this restaurant. I've watched it grow and adapt over 7 years through so many changes. New owners, drag show fallout, and the pandemic, which I'm not entirely sure I've mentally or emotionally recovered from.

The pandemic burnout was real you guys. I don't think anyone really gave hospitality workers the fucking credit they deserved through the covid pandemic. Not only was I trying to navigate this pandemic on a personal level, reading, investigating, learning, and trying to figure out how to adapt, but I was also subjected to the cruel treatment of those who did not want to accept or adapt to how things were going. I was subjected to so much negativity, complaining, aggression, anger, frustration, etc., all because of something I had absolutely no control over. It was one of the worst experiences I had in hospitality throughout my 20 + years in this industry. To be honest, I'm still trying to recover from the experience and I don't think I'm alone.

I want to get out of this city so badly. I want to get away from the people here that trigger anger or frustration in me. I want to get away from the complacency of my life. I think coming off of a year + of travel through Europe only to be forced to stay put for so long and endure 3 years of horrible experiences in hospitality has really affected my mental well being. Being in this city continues to frustrate me and being unable to leave is not helping. I'm trying to remain glass half full, but some of these days or harder than others. I'm just so ready to move on and experience new things again. New places, new sights, new people, etc., I'm just so ready to move on.

That's all for now. I'll be back to write again soon.

HAPPY VEG