My most recent personal post was about stability and here I am, still as unstable as ever lol Is stability something I should just give up on until I return home to Canada or is it possible to get my shit together here? That's the question.
Work is going well, I really love the people I work with which is good, I still hate the nights to be honest but I'm trying to give them a chance. I quit my job back home after 5 years because I was moved to nights and hated them lol. I'm really trying to make the best of things here because that's all I can really do but boy oh boy would I prefer to be working during the day or afternoon. It's fine though, I know that I'll eventually be moving to days and afternoons so I think I can tolerate this until then. The hostel I'm staying at offered me a job during the day cleaning which would mean I quit my current job and work here but it boils down to the kind of experience I want on my resume. I would much rather have front desk experience in another country because when I go home to Canada this might open the door for me to work front desk at hotels which without experience, I wasn't really being given the opportunity to do. I had to turn down the position even though the prospect of coming off of nights really tickled my fancy lol but I had to think about the bigger picture. On that note, I did however agree to do night calls at the hostel I'm staying at. Once or twice a week I'll be responsible for waking up and checking people in if someone staggers in passed 10 pm when the afternoon person goes home or dealing with any night time issues a guest might have. There will also be nights where absolutely nothing happens and I can sleep the whole night. In doing this, my rent will be reduced here which is kind of ideal for me because I'm really spending a lot to stay here. The only thing I wonder is will I regret giving up my days off for let's say, having some drinks, to do this? I don't know, I guess I'll just have to give it a try and see what happens. So yah, stability what? Seems like things just keep getting crazier and more hectic but you know what, I'm a busy body and even though I want things to just be stable, I also seem to enjoy throwing myself in to more and more. I'm quite an enigma aren't I? HAPPY VEG
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It's been a long couple of weeks for me here at the hostel. The hostel itself has been great, the staff here are all wonderful and they've been super accommodating to me but I've been checking in and out repeatedly over the past couple of weeks and with working nights, it's been hell on my body. This morning I came home from work and had to checkout by 10 am so there's this internal struggle happening like, do I sleep for 2 hours, get up, rush and pack, or just stay awake? I always go with option 1 because frankly by the time I get home at 745 am, I'm pretty much dead. The problem is, you wake up from a 2 hour sleep feeling like you were run over before laying down, it's pretty awful lol
What I'm happy about is that I move in to the long term residence as of the 27th which basically means I pay a cheaper price per week and can stay in the same bed and room permanently until I find my own place. This is exactly what I need right now, some stability. Although I've gotten quite used to the hectic lifestyle I've had since I arrived here in Dublin, I crave some kind of stability. Back home, although I worked abundantly and was always busy, I always had a bed to go home to, food to eat, and family and friends close by. Although I've met some cool people here, went for breakfast with a guy, chatted up some of the long terms etc., I haven't really made personal connections that I would consider to be crucial to my happiness. There is a girl from Canada I work with who's had quite a colourful life and I intend to ask her to go for a pint or 6 so we can chat about her crazy life. What I'm getting at is the yearning for some kind of stability is strong right now. All of the craziness that has surrounded this move like immigration, tax appointments, looking for a place, checking out of my bed a million times, trying to save money, and abandoning the things I love like cooking new recipes and having my own kitchen space, have all sort of made this trip extra crazy to me. Although I do crave stability, it's certainly made this experience more than I could have imagined in that I know I'm much stronger than I thought I was. Don't get me wrong, I'm a pretty strong bitch, but all of this has certainly tested my mental capacity and I feel like I'm coming out on top. What's next? A month or two of just work and sleep, saving euros, and trying to be as cheap as possible when it comes to eating out and unnecessary spending. Those are my biggest challenges, especially shopping. I stumbled into Penney's which is like Walmart from Canada / U.S. on steroids. Everything was so cheap and there was so much selection, it was the biggest test I've had since I arrived here lol I love to shop but at this point, I have no space in my suitcases and no storage for anything new so I have to watch myself lol Ugh, the trials of being an expat in Dublin :P HAPPY VEG Last night was hard for me guys. After finishing up a chat with a Brazilian guy whose name I can't seem to remember now (thank you booze), I started to feel really lonely and started missing my family and friends hardcore. You know, he was telling em that he didn't think he could do what I was doing because he didn't think he could be away from his family and friends for that long. It kind of resonated with me, I'm already missing everyone immensely and it's only been a month, how the hell was I going to make it an entire year?
After our chat and a few more beers, I started chatting with a couple of my friends from back home along with my dad and I started venting about how difficult this process was and how much I missed everyone etc. and honestly, I went to be thinking last night that I just wanted to go back to Canada and be done with this experience. This morning however, I woke up feeling like I was not even close to ready to abandon this opportunity. This visa is a once in a lifetime visa, I can never apply for it again. I can't possibly piss away this opportunity because I'm a little homesick can I? The answer is no, I refuse to go home until I know that I've exhausted every opportunity and option to make things work here. Yes I'm frustrated that I don't have a place and now can't afford one for a month or so. Yes I'm upset at the amount of money I've blown since I arrived here paying for hostels and food and everything else without actually having done any of the tours of Ireland I came here for. Yes I miss my friends and family so very much, but the fact is, everything will still be there when I am finished with this. I decided I was going to give myself a deadline. By Christmas, if I still don't have a place and still am struggling to make things work here, then and only then will I consider going home. It's way too early to think about leaving especially considering there were so many reasons I wanted to come. I haven't done any tours of Ireland as I mentioned, I haven't visited other European countries that I have excellent access to, and I haven't tried hard enough yet. I was exhausted last night and emotional from booze, simple as that. Guys, moving abroad has been one of the biggest challenges I've ever faced for so many reasons, but it's also the coolest experience at the same time and has really demonstrated to me that I'm capable of achieving anything I want to achieve. The same guy who could barely speak in front of his class 4 years ago is now living in foreign country, making Immigration and tax appointments, navigating a new life completely alone, it's time to be more proud of myself and less sad about things that will still be ready for me when the time comes. It's been an emotional roller coaster but I'm determined to give it 100% before I make any kind of decision about returning home. Being an emotional wreck is no fun but sometimes you just gotta let it out :P HAPPY VEG Being in a hostel has been an incredible and humbling experience. You don't realize how much you've taken for granted until you're sharing it with 8 - 20 other people every day. For example, sleep, I certainly took for granted how easy it was to fall fast asleep in a room I was the only person staying in. Luckily, midnight's have been great (I can't believe I'm saying this) because most of the people in the room have either checked out or headed out for the day by the time I get home in the morning to sleep. My days off are another story, tonight for example, there's a full house and most of the boys have gone out for the night. This means I'll most assuredly have to sleep through them all getting home and likely being noisy, snoring, and other noises that will definitely screw with my sleep.
Bathroom time, I'm lucky to find an available bathroom to use for work everyday. I've had to get crafty and steal bathrooms from the other floors because there's just no way I can go to work without showering and freshening up. Cooking, laundry, me time, etc. all of these things are given up to stay somewhere the prices are cheap. But, this also comes with the opportunity to chat with people from all across the globe and hear their stories from their home countries. It's an amazing and awful experience all at the same time. This brings me to my story, the story of Ken. Ken is a local man who stays at the hostel from time to time, when he's not here he's likely staying at another hostel because this one is fully booked and he waited just a touch too long to rebook. He's a lovely older gentleman who has always been extremely kind to me. Ken suffers from some kind of mental disability, one that I have no right to diagnose, but it's blaringly obvious that he struggles with speech and has tremors. All of this aside, he's a delight to converse with. he always asks me about how my job is going, if I've had luck finding a place, or just general conversation. I enjoy our conversations. Recently, Ken suffered an injury at work that left him unable to work for a brief time. He remained unusually positive, happy to have a bed to sleep in and somewhere to relax at days end. His positivity has always helped to remind me that things could always be worse for me. That I could always be in a worse situation, and that's important for me sometimes because I've had moments where I've been incredibly down. Tonight as I sat and ate my dinner, Ken came into the kitchen and greeted me as he often does. We started to chat just about general stuff and that's when he told me he had nowhere to stay tonight. I asked him about other hostels and he told me they were all booked up. He mentioned he was heading to the local homeless shelter after his laundry finished. As he whipped up a quick sandwich, I couldn't help but tear up. How could this man have no where to stay? This sickens me. So I asked him if he had been dealing with this his whole life and he said he's been bouncing between hostels for a while and this would be the first time he really had no options. As we continued to chat, I felt overwhelmed with sadness for Ken. How could this man have no options? How can a country have nowhere for someone who works and obviously has some kind of disability to go? As we continued to chat, I asked him if it made him nervous to have nowhere to go for the next two nights and he smiled and said he was back in this hostel come Sunday and as long as he had, "Somewhere to lay me head down." that's all he needed. As we finished up our meals and cigarettes, I told him I really hoped he was able to get into the shelter tonight and he smiled and told me that he'd figure things out. I walked away after telling him to take care and returned to my room. As I sat there, I couldn't help but feel incredibly sorry for Ken, but also feeling uplifted by him. He didn't complain, he wants nothing out of life but just to live and have somewhere to sleep. He remains incredibly positive despite life seemingly throwing him one curve ball after another, how can that be? There's been at least 5 days out of the last month that I've been here that I contemplated whether I could handle this. Whether I was capable of living like I was, nearly broke and unable to afford an apartment, living in a hostel with no luxuries that I was comfortable with, alone etc. and here is this man who might be on the streets tonight smiling and asking me how my job was... Today, Ken reminded me that positivity is such a powerful tool. It can carry you out of the darkest times and it always helps when you think things can't get any worse because frankly, they can. I still have a roof over my head for now, I have money for food and smokes (which I need to quit yes I know :( ), a job, and relatively good health, so I need to just chill with the self pity. There is a housing crisis here that is evident to me. There are going to be days that I can't afford to go tanning, days that I might not eat out like I'd like, days that I might feel like I can't do this any more, but I'll always think of today with Ken. How he smiled his way through things that I would otherwise crumble from. What an amazing guy he is, and if I decide that I can't do this anymore, one thing I will have learned is that that's ok because as long as I'm content and happy with my decisions and what I have achieved, nothing else matters. I will forever be grateful for everything I have. Thanks Ken. HAPPY VEG I think I'm finally getting everything in order y'all. I have a bank account, my tax number is on the way, a job I enjoy, and a cold that I believe is finally on the way out. I have a lingering cough that doesn't seem to want to quit but compared to how I felt a week ago, everything is on the way up. I must admit, it's been a stressful week trying to organize everything especially with trying to find a place. I've had 3 places I was supposed to go and see only to have them sell the day before (or day of) that I was supposed to go and view them. I must admit, it's quite a frustrating process.
What I have decided is to just try and let it all go. The hostel I'm staying at has been really good to me. I've been able to book 2 more weeks with the potential for more in the same bed if needed so the prospect of being homeless is off the table which is super great. I'm going to stay at an Airbnb this Saturday because the hostel was booked so I'm looking forward to sleeping in my own room. I imagine it will probably be one the bets sleeps I've had in a long while. I have the weekend off so I think I'm going to take Sunday and visit Galway. I keep hearing how wonderful the city is so I figure I should probably take the time and bus out there. I believe it's a 2 hour journey back and forth but if I leave early enough, I'll be able to spend most of the day there and have time to take pictures and such. There's so much of Ireland I want to see so I must admit, trying to get adjusted has been quite annoying because I'd much rather be travelling and sightseeing lol Other than that, everything is fine over here. I miss my family and friends a great deal but working and starting to chat with coworkers and such has helped. I just enjoy being social so having a week or so where I wasn't really having too many conversations was very difficult for me. It seems everything is on the way up now so it can only get better from here :) HAPPY VEG |
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