A waited a little while to talk about this situation because it really triggered me at the time and dug up some old trauma in my life that I honestly thought I had fully gotten over. It's amazing how we can go decades without thinking about something and suddenly, a situation drums up so many old memories that are shrouded in fear. I guess no matter how "over" something we believe we are, there's always a part of it carried with us forever. A couple weeks ago, I was walking the trail on my way to work and as I came around one of the bends, I was stopped dead in my tracks as a disheveled man started beckoning at me for help. I immediately froze as it dug up a situation that happened to me when I was a teenager (we'll get into that in a bit). The man was wearing an orange wig and carrying a stick with a prop skull on the end of it. His pants were hanging down as he held them to prevent them from falling completely off. He also had a small, innocent looking puppy with him that I was immediately concerned for as I recognized that this man was not of sound mind. Anyways, he started to approach me and realistically, I could have ran, but I stood there, frozen as he approached. He asked me to make a call for him after incoherently telling me a story about his mother who was being cared for. Anyways, I dialed the number for him and he screamed in to the answering machine, spitting all over me as I held my phone towards him. It freaked me out because I could tell he was unhinged and I wasn't sure what was going to happen next. I also remember looking around constantly in hopes that SOMEONE would walk by. It was day time and actually light out so I expected people to be on the trails as they were any other day. After the first call, he explained to me that he was bipolar and hadn't taken his medication but he calmly reassured me that he didn't want to hurt me. At this point, I was sure that this situation was going to escalate. I dialed another round of numbers until he got in touch with someone on the other end. Their conversation involved stolen cards, drugs, and trying to set up a meeting to "reup." As I stood there, I kept trying to think how I was going to get away from this guy and I also was reeling at their conversation. I didn't want to be any more involved in this situation than I was and I felt like I was hearing things I shouldn't be. I also kept looking down at this puppy who was showing signs of being distressed and it was hurting my feelings. I knew at the very least, I had to do something to help that dog. As the conversation came to a close, I mentioned that I had a long way to go and that I should probably go. I took control and realized that if he was going to do something to me, he was going to do it regardless of whether I stood and took it, or tried to walk away from the situation. As I left, he was yelling at me incoherently and his dog started following me. I knew I had to do something to help that dog, so once I was far enough away, I called the cops and reported him in hopes that they'd find him and save that puppy. I was terrified for calling but I knew I had to do. He was so unwell and that poor dog had no one looking out for it. I was scared to be honest. Scared that whoever he called had my phone number and would know that I reported him. I was scared that this guy would find me as a result of my calling. So many things going through my mind, but I was proud of myself for calling. I peeped the news the following morning and discovered that just two streets away, there had been a 6 hour standoff with police involving the same man that approached me on the trails. They described him as "in crisis" which scared me even further. Was he really bipolar? Could I have been the one he snapped on? I was so grateful that i got away because knowing that a short time later he was involved in a police standoff, I could've been in major trouble. It's taken about this amount of time to get over everything. I've been extra cautious walking the trails in the morning, fearful that I might run in to this man again and that he would immediately recognize me. It's drummed up some old memories that I honestly thought I had fully moved past. Let me elaborate. When I was 16 or 17, I was waiting for a bus downtown when a man approached me and asked for help. Being young and gay, I was immediately fearful as there were no other people around so there as no one to see what was happening. Anyways, he claimed he had a check to cash but didn't have his card and asked if I'd deposit it for him. I smelled trouble so I attempted to make my way to a local coffee shop claiming I was visiting a friend. He followed me. At this point, I knew he thought that I was the perfect target because offering to come with me was a way to intimidate and manipulate me in that situation. After I realized I couldn't ditch him without running, I claimed I didn't have my wallet and would have to go home which was on the other side of town. I was confident that this would end the situation. It only escalated from there. The man told me he'd call a cab and bring me to my apartment. AT this moment, I knew I was in trouble. I could have ran honestly, but I really didn't know if this man had a weapon and I was scared to take that chance. Instead, a cab pulled up and a woman joined him as we got in to the cab. The entire way to my house I was silent. I remember thinking oh my gosh, this nut job is going to know where I live and what the hell am I going to do. When we got to my building. I told them I'd run upstairs to grab my wallet. He insisted on coming with me. He followed me up to my apartment and held open the door while I searched for my wallet. The truth was, I had it. It was only an attempt to break away from this guy. Once I "found it", we went back to the cab and I started thinking about how I would do this. I thought, bring me to my home branch because I know they'll see me on the cameras and know that I was being coerced in to doing this. That was all I could think of in that situation. We got to my bank and I deposited the check as instructed. When I went to withdraw the money, I realized I had a withdrawal limit that wouldn't let me take out the money. My heart sunk. How was I going to escape this guy when I now deposited his check and couldn't even get the money out. I explained to him I needed to call to release the limit and he looked at me and told me to figure it out. I paced around the vestibule while I essentially begged the head office to release the limit. I truly believe they sensed the fear in my voice because they reluctantly released the limit allowing me to withdraw the money. After I gave him the money, he ushered me back in to the cab and dropped me off back in the same spot downtown he originally found me. I was shook. I was safe, but I was mentally and emotionally fucked. What just happened? I'm certain I committed a crime, but didn't know where to start because I was so scared. He now knew where I lived. How was I supposed to feel safe knowing this? The next day, my account was frozen for fraud and I had to report everything to the police. I ended up having to go to a police line-up where I discovered that the man had done this multiple times before and was incarcerated on a different charge. I asked about the money I had taken from my account to cover the fraudulent check. They told me I could sue, but that I probably wouldn't get anything back. So, I was emotionally scarred and lost out on 500 dollars but at least I was alive I guess. That situation took a while for me to get over but after encountering that man on the trails a few weeks ago, it was clear to me that I had not fully gotten over the initial situation from back in my teens. That's why I froze when he approached me. I was immediately 16 again and all of my common sense went out the window. My immediate thought was to comply to avoid escalation. Insane. I talk a big game most of my life and believe I am strong and confident in my decisions. I don't put up with anything in my life that I don't feel like I should have to. Yet, when presented with a situation that I should have immediately removed myself from, I froze in panic and complied. I guess what I'm getting at here is that no matter how over something you think you are, if you've not healed properly from it, something could inevitably bring out those same fears again one day. I did not heal from that situation, I simply blocked it out in order to move on. If we don't allow ourselves to properly cope, this is the result. You hold on to those feelings for life. It was traumatizing when I was 16. I was simply on auto-pilot as an adult when presented with a similar situation. It was evident to me that I had a lot of work to do in order to heal from all of this. Anyways, that's my story. I'm grateful that the situation on the trails never escalated. I'm glad that I was able to get away and help that dog at the very least. I'm going to deal with paranoia on the trails for a while, that's just the way it is. But I recognize that I have some healing to do y'all. HAPPY VEG
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