I can't believe the new year is upon us already, feels like 2018 just started. This year has been quite the year for me if I must say so myself. I went to Ireland last September, spent all of my money, and fled home 2 weeks later with my tail between my legs only to return just one year later with a better plan and more ambition. Since I've been here, I've visited England, navigated Dublin, found a job, met some cool people, and now will be ringing in the New year with one of my fav people here in Dublin at The George, my fav gay club here.
What do I see for myself in 2019? For starters, I've got plenty of travelling to do around Europe starting with Valencia Spain the second week of January. My main goal for this year is to see as much of Europe as possible while the opportunity presents itself because once I head back to Canada, I won't be doing any travelling for a while. I've got lots of places I want to see, specifically the Nordic countries when the weather gets warmer. I've already got trips to Hamburg Germany and Glasgow Scotland booked and set to go. I really can't wait to actually start seeing some of the beautiful place sin Europe I never thought I'd actually see. Resolutions, those funny and usually unachievable goals we set for ourselves every start of the year. Do you guys make them? I usually try to set minimal goals for myself but this year I have just one major one, to enjoy this experience to its full extent. As I mentioned, I won't get this opportunity again so I have to make the best of it and enjoy every last minute. I really want to take it all in and just let things be as they are. I know there's going to be lots to see and I couldn't be any more excited. Secondly, I think I want to try and just let things be this year. I tend to be a bit of a worrier as I've mentioned a million times in the past so I'm really going to focus on just letting things roll this year. Going with the flow is something I've rarely been able to do but this experience has kind of forced me into that mentality because there's no way to plan or guess what is going to happen because I really haven't a clue. Although it's totally out of my element, sometimes that's a good thing right? Maybe learning to just go with the flow is a lesson I'll learn in 2019 and going forward will be able to take more risks without overthinking. When I get back to Canada, my plan is simple. I want to enjoy my family and friends and refocus on my blog. I miss being in the kitchen working on new recipes and ideas so I know I want to head in that direction. By the time I get back, I want to have published my ebook which I should be able to get finished by next month. I want to work on an actual cookbook that I get a physical copy of which will require lots of recipe writing and testing and an actual theme, and I want to look into opening my animal sanctuary. The sanctuary is my end goal here so I want to begin learning what it takes, what kind of money is involved, and where to start. Here's to 2019 guys and gals, I hope it's all of our best year yet! HAPPY VEG
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You know, I thought today was going to be a lot more brutal than it actually was. I mean, being away from my family and stuff was kind of difficult and I had my moments where I started to think about my mother and miss her a bunch but you know, I think things could be worse. It's important to count your blessings at this time of year especially when you consider how many people are suffering or have nothing.
As I walked home this morning from work, there was absolutely nothing open which meant all of the places the homeless could hang out to keep warm were closed. There were so many people in their sleeping bags scattered around the city trying to keep warm and I think this is what kind of brought me back down to earth you know? There are so many people out there in the world that are suffering and here I am feeling sorry for myself that I'm alone. It's a stark reminder that we should always be grateful for whatever we have, regardless of how much or little anyone else has. I'm in a new country, I'm taking some exciting trips in the coming months, and I've met some super cool people here, what should I feel sorry about? I received videos from all of my family back home wishing me a merry Christmas and it truly warmed my heart. It was so great to see all of their smiling faces and feel their love from afar. No matter where I am in the world, family will always be super important to me but I've come to realize in the past few months that I have to learn to let things be. I've been forcing myself on my family to try and fix things here or tweak things there and I've finally realized that I can't do that anymore. I love all of my family so much but it's up to them to create the type of life and relationships they want to create without me interjecting myself. As I said, leading up to today I thought I was going to feel rough but I think I finally feel content. I've settled in here, I have a family that loves me and I love them back, and I've got several more months of memories to create here in Dublin and I can't wait for it :) Merry Christmas everyone and much love <3 HAPPY VEG Well folks, Christmas is in three days and I couldn't feel any less Christmasy than I do right now. Don't get me wrong, Dublin does a very good job of making things festive. Every storefront has their lights, baubles, bangles, and displays set up, there's lights all over the city and light shows displayed on the fronts of buildings, but it hasn't really made things feel like Christmas to me.
I expected this year to feel different because I was going to be alone over here in Dublin and I was prepared for dealing with how that felt but I must admit, it's much stranger than I expected. You know, I've grown quite accustomed to the way Christmas has felt for me for the past 30 years or so, even with the passing of my mother. You know, after she passed away, Christmas was not the same for me but at least I still had my family close you know? Not being able to see my nephews or drop of gifts for them is weird and strangely difficult. Not seeing snow here is also kind of throwing me off too I think. I don't love snow necessarily but it does give you that Christmas feeling I think I've grown quite accustomed to. I had a really good conversation with one of my very best friends yesterday and came to the realization that inevitably, Christmas, and life in general is going to change. People grow apart, families take their own directions, people move away etc., it's something I kind of have to deal with and accept but it's not as easy to handle as I anticipated. I mean, I'm handling myself over here in Dublin, in fact I believe I'm handling myself exceptionally well if I must say so myself. Life really is fine here, I'm working, I've made friends, I've gone out and gotten embarrassingly drunk, it's all very comparable to being back home in Canada. I just can't help but feel that Christmas is just a difficult time of year to be alone. I have to work pretty much every day until the 27th so that will help I think because at least I'll be busy. I guess this is part of growing up. Eventually things will change again, and again, and I've got to just roll with it. I think I still hold on to the Christmas memories of long ago with my mother. Hectic baking, Christmas morning with my siblings, watching my parents make Christmas dinner, spending time with my auntie who visited every year etc. it's hard to let go of those memories but I think I can still hold onto them while creating new memories, it's just doing that that is especially difficult. Oh well, I've purchased an ugly Christmas sweater that I'll wear to work and I'll start playing Christmas music to myself in the next day or so, got to make the best of this strange situation right? HAPPY VEG Last night I had the pleasure of visiting gay club THE GEORGE with one of my friends here and I literally had the time of my life. I drank in excess, danced for hours, and had some seriously good laughs. Aside from all the fun, it reminded me how much I miss my friends back home as well. As I hobbled back to my hostel, I reminded myself of some of the fun things I used to do with my friends and couldn't help but laugh to myself over some of the goofy and fun things we'd done.
It's amazing how a situation can bring you back to other situations and events in your life that you may have forgotten about or tucked away somewhere safe in your memories. I was reminded of all of my clubbing days from my youth and all of the memories associated with those times. I was reminded of all the scary movie nights and good food, drinking and laughing, and dancing until the morning. I've honestly had some pretty amazing times in my life and last night helped to remind me that there are still plenty more good times to come. I woke up today feeling especially lazy and worn out and it helped to remind me that I'm old as hell and can't handle going out like that too often lol I have been dragging my arse around trying to accomplish things today and have half finished everything I started but hey, at least I had a good night right? HAPPY VEG I just want to start of by saying that I couldn't be more excited to start volunteering with the DSPCA (Dublin Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Animals) especially after today's visit. After learning about the opportunities available to us as volunteers I can honestly say that I'm anticipating some great moments spent with caring people and loving animals.
Today was especially brutal though I must admit. I got off work this morning at 7 am and my appointment was at 11 for orientation so there really wasn't any time for me to sleep which I knew was going to be rough but the opportunity was too important to worry about the sleeping. Anyways, getting there was easy enough, I rode the tram for the first time and found my connecting bus quite easily. Getting off the bus, I realized that the DSPCA was pretty removed from everything which made for some beautiful scenery, much like the kind of scenery I pictured when I thought of moving to Ireland. Miles of green hills and trees, just gorgeous. Anyways, I got there and was greeted by some kind volunteers and got signed in before heading to a classroom with the other potential volunteers for a little presentation on the DSPCA. The presenter was super friendly and engaging and you could tell he cared for animals deeply. After the presentation, we took a tour of the facility which included a veterinary office, rescued farm animal area, puppy / dog training area, dog kennels, and a cat house. Walking through the area with the cats, my eyes literally lit up as I realized that one of the opportunities was to clean out the cat areas and spend time with the cats. Can you honestly think of a better way to spend 4 hours? Anyways, after orientation I rushed out to make sure I could catch the bus back to Dundrum because I knew after the 1 o clock bus there wouldn't be another one until 4 and I was so exhausted I couldn't fathom waiting 3 hours. I made it to the stop and as a couple of the other volunteers reached the stop, we all discovered that in that particular direction the bus went from 10:50 am to 4:10 pm which meant I was going to be waiting 3 hours to catch a bus back. I was literally devastated because I was so bloody tired and my legs were already sore from walking home from work / to the bus / to the DSPCA. We all quickly realized we were going to have to walk until we discovered another bus that would take us back. After over an hour of fatigued walking, I found a bus stop that serviced the city center. I then discovered that the area I was travelling to was more expensive than what cash I had on me and I started to freak because I literally had no idea how I was going to get back. Luckily, when the bus came I hid on the top floor of the bus and managed to avoid detection and ride all the way back to the city center. I then had to walk another half hour to get back to my hostel. By this point, every inch of my body was throbbing with exhaustion and I was approaching 24 hours of being awake. Before laying down, I wrote down the bus number I needed to reach the DSPCA and decided that when I woke up I was going to reach out to them and suggest additional buses because that is a major deterrent for people who may want to volunteer but don't drive. Hopefully I can convince them to add a few extra routes because without them, I imagine between working nights and volunteering, I'll probably keel over and die from exhaustion lol The moral here is that I had and amazing day despite the hardships and I cannot wait to spend my days playing with cats, walking dogs, playing with puppies, and feeding farm animals. It's an actual dream come true and I'm so grateful that I forced myself to go despite being so overwhelmingly tired. HAPPY VEG Christmas is coming y'all and this will be the first year that I've been away from my family which is making me feel all kinds of ways. I was kind of prepared for these feelings because I knew this was coming but it still doesn't seem any easier now that the day is actually approaching.
This past week has been rather difficult for me because I started thinking about my mom again but not the way I'd like. For the past several months, I've been thinking happy thoughts about her when she crossed my mind but this past week it's like my brain has completely brought me back to the moments that were the worst. I have been vividly remembering all the gruesome memories about my mother's final days I've tried so hard to bury over the past 3 and a half years and I wonder if it isn't because Christmas is coming and I know how much she loved it. She enjoyed the chaos of it even if sometimes she wanted to rip her hair out, I know how much she enjoyed the morning with us kids and my dad. I miss a lot about our Christmas' together. I miss the decorating, I miss the Christmas baking that I feel like I waited a year for, and I miss the morning itself. I definitely cherish those Christmas mornings where we were all together and as happy as could be, things have definitely changed and this year is making that abundantly clear. Not that things haven't been different the past several years anyways, my brother and sister have kids / fams of their own and even if my mother was still with us, they were never going to be the way they once were right? I think it's just my knowing that I'll be unable to hug my nephews this year or see their faces when they open their presents or spend time with my dad who I'm certain misses my mother especially during the Christmas holiday. We all knew how much my mother loved Christmas. As I said, this has been an especially hard week for me but I feel like it's part and parcel with moving away for this experience. I definitely don't want to sit around and be sad this Christmas but it's hard not to dwell on all that has changed. This Christmas is definitely going to be different but I'm really going to try and make the best of it. I know I have to work but I'll make a video to send to my brother and sister to share with their boys on my behalf and I'll just revisit some of my favourite Xmas memories with some Xmas music playing in the background and just let the moment be as it is. HAPPY VEG Do you ever feel like sometimes situations only ever happen to you? I swear, there's times that the most awkward encounter can happen to me and I'm like, really, why me?
Working in customer service means that there's plenty of opportunities for awkward encounters and even more so when you're anxious because once you're in them, there's no getting out of them appropriately. Last night, a man from Sudan and I began our conversation with me asking him what brought him to Dublin. Well, without realizing it at the time, he was obviously already on edge about his country of residence because he took immediate offence to my question. Things went downhill quickly. He replied, "Do you ask everyone this question?" and without hesitating I said, "Yes, we host people from all over the world" and he said, "Well can't you see how that could be offensive?" and I freaked because I immediately realized because he was from Sudan he probably thought I was asking what his plans were to interrogate him in reference to being from a terrorist / war torn country. At that point I knew what I should've said but it just came out, "Well if you take it that way I suppose"....Not good. He immediately went into how he was a doctor and he was here for an exam etc. and I sat there dumbfounded because I knew I had opened a can of worms I should've left closed. It was basically the most uncomfortable / awkward thing that happened to me in the past 3 months lol You know, I'm the furthest thing from racist but it seems I manage to have a foot in mouth moment more often than I care to experience. You know, I was initially pissed off after our altercation but then I started to ponder the situation and I started to feel bad for him to some degree. He must have been involved in several of these altercations because of his country of origin with people assuming or making reference to terrorism or looking at him scarily when they find out where he's from. Can you imagine having to deal with that every single time someone finds out where you're from? BUT, I think it's also unfair to use this as a defense mechanism and make people feel like crap for doing their jobs. I was left so uncomfortable by our conversation you know, I wouldn't have made that connection had he not immediately jumped down my throat. Anyways, the moral of the story here is that the world is in a very sad state. People coming from countries that are synonymous with negativity are constantly on the defense and people like me who naively ask questions without putting much thought into them are on the receiving end of accused racism lol It's so sad to think that this is the state of our planet. You know, I look to the migrant crisis in the U.S right now, immigrants from all over the world fleeing war torn countries etc. and the way people feel about them, it's just awful. \ I really do hope I see some kind of world peace by the time I die for crying out loud because wow, times are tough. HAPPY VEG |
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