Determined

These last 5 or so days have really been exceptional in Dublin. Not just because of the city, the travelling, or the beauty, but because I've accomplished more this time in 4 days than I did in nearly 2 weeks the last time I was here. I've activated my phone, fixed my GNIB card mixup, had an interview that led to an interview for a position I know I can take on, and navigated the city. I'm so very proud of myself. I tell you, being an introverted extrovert has its ups and downs. I've managed to initiate convos with some of my hostel roomies, although I'd prefer they started the convo lol I've also come to realize that I absolutely love this time to just be me, understand what I want and need, and also test myself. It's something that I've needed for a long time and I truly hope this helps break me out of whatever remaining shell I'm still entangled in.

What I CAN say however is that I miss my family terribly. I miss my friends of course as well but I've bonded so well with my family, especially since my mother's passing, that it's hard to fathom not seeing them for so long. I know a year really isn't that long, but it is when you love your family as much as I do. I know I'll get over it, and we talk almost every day, but it is definitely the hardest part of this process. Of course I want to live and experience, but I want my family just a touch closer lol Guess you can't have it all.

I had an interview today with a recruiter who was probably the coolest and most badass lady I've ever meant. I don't know how many times she said fuck, but it certainly made for a casual interview that helped release any nerves I may have had. I felt so comfortable and welcomed, she was really kick ass. Now I wait to interview tomorrow for a position in a hostel that I know I can take on. I'm looking forward to the interview and hopefully securing a job through it. It's super daunting knowing that money is limited and everything kind of depends on a job. Obviously, life depends on money, but this for me means staying or going. After last year's debacle, the last thing I want to do is return home defeated. That's why I MUST find work and make this happen.

Ugh, what else is there to say? I'm still super bummed about my brother and his girlfriend basically cutting me out of their lives. If only they knew how much I cared for my nephews, and my brother. As far as she goes, I could care less about her. She never tried to be a part of our family from the day we met her, I don't care about her. I care about losing my brother, and my beautiful nephews. I worked so hard last year to be able to come back to Ireland, it just stings to hear things like I don't care, or I didn't call enough. While she sits at home all day, I'm working 16 hours to make my dreams come true...and she held that against me. I'll never forgive her for that. Enough with the negativity though.

I think I need a drink lol I'm out.