Getting Real

For the longest time, this trip to Ireland was mostly talk so it was easy to continue with my day to day activities without any nervousness. In the past week or so, I've caught myself taking note of silly little things like the park by my house or the tiles in my bathroom. I find myself strolling a bit more slowly on my walks and really taking everything around me in. I know that this is because I'll be leaving soon and it's my way of appreciating what I'll be leaving behind for some time. 

With the trip approaching quite quickly, I find myself choking up when I think about everything I'm leaving here. I worry about my family (although there's no need) and how they'll be without me. I worry about not seeing my nephews for two years and what I'll miss with them. I worry about my friends and not seeing them either. With all of this worry comes the peace of mind that I'm just a worry wart and all of my friends and family will actually be just fine without me. It's natural for me to worry about everything and I have to keep reminding myself that worrying is like poison. There's no need to worry about all of the people in my life, I need to be more focused on myself.

After my mother passed away, I started focusing on everyone else around me and rarely took the time to focus on myself and my own issues. It was so easy to pull myself in all of their directions while forgetting about my own. I've spent the last two years focused on everyone but me and this trip is really going to change all of that!

This trip is going to be so much more than just some travelling. It's an opportunity to really get to know myself, to focus wholly on my own needs and desires without constantly worrying about everyone else. It's a way for me to hopefully move past my mother's death, to move past all of the worry and fear, and to finally understand my own needs. This trip is going to be the beginning of something very special for me and I can honestly say that despite all of the nerves I have, I'm so ready to finally focus on me.


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