It's Beginning to feel a lot like.....any other day.

Well folks, Christmas is in three days and I couldn't feel any less Christmasy than I do right now. Don't get me wrong, Dublin does a very good job of making things festive. Every storefront has their lights, baubles, bangles, and displays set up, there's lights all over the city and light shows displayed on the fronts of buildings, but it hasn't really made things feel like Christmas to me. 

I expected this year to feel different because I was going to be alone over here in Dublin and I was prepared for dealing with how that felt but I must admit, it's much stranger than I expected. You know, I've grown quite accustomed to the way Christmas has felt for me for the past 30 years or so, even with the passing of my mother. You know, after she passed away, Christmas was not the same for me but at least I still had my family close you know? Not being able to see my nephews or drop of gifts for them is weird and strangely difficult. Not seeing snow here is also kind of throwing me off too I think. I don't love snow necessarily but it does give you that Christmas feeling I think I've grown quite accustomed to.

I had a really good conversation with one of my very best friends yesterday and came to the realization that inevitably, Christmas, and life in general is going to change. People grow apart, families take their own directions, people move away etc., it's something I kind of have to deal with and accept but it's not as easy to handle as I anticipated. I mean, I'm handling myself over here in Dublin, in fact I believe I'm handling myself exceptionally well if I must say so myself. Life really is fine here, I'm working, I've made friends, I've gone out and gotten embarrassingly drunk, it's all very comparable to being back home in Canada. I just can't help but feel that Christmas is just a difficult time of year to be alone.

I have to work pretty much every day until the 27th so that will help I think because at least I'll be busy. I guess this is part of growing up. Eventually things will change again, and again, and I've got to just roll with it. I think I still hold on to the Christmas memories of long ago with my mother. Hectic baking, Christmas morning with my siblings, watching my parents make Christmas dinner, spending time with my auntie who visited every year etc. it's hard to let go of those memories but I think I can still hold onto them while creating new memories, it's just doing that that is especially difficult.

Oh well, I've purchased an ugly Christmas sweater that I'll wear to work and I'll start playing Christmas music to myself in the next day or so, got to make the best of this strange situation right?

HAPPY VEG