Weak Moments

Last night was hard for me guys. After finishing up a chat with a Brazilian guy whose name I can't seem to remember now (thank you booze), I started to feel really lonely and started missing my family and friends hardcore. You know, he was telling em that he didn't think he could do what I was doing because he didn't think he could be away from his family and friends for that long. It kind of resonated with me, I'm already missing everyone immensely and it's only been a month, how the hell was I going to make it an entire year?

After our chat and a few more beers, I started chatting with a couple of my friends from back home along with my dad and I started venting about how difficult this process was and how much I missed everyone etc. and honestly, I went to be thinking last night that I just wanted to go back to Canada and be done with this experience.

This morning however, I woke up feeling like I was not even close to ready to abandon this opportunity. This visa is a once in a lifetime visa, I can never apply for it again. I can't possibly piss away this opportunity because I'm a little homesick can I? The answer is no, I refuse to go home until I know that I've exhausted every opportunity and option to make things work here. Yes I'm frustrated that I don't have a place and now can't afford one for a month or so. Yes I'm upset at the amount of money I've blown since I arrived here paying for hostels and food and everything else without actually having done any of the tours of Ireland I came here for. Yes I miss my friends and family so very much, but the fact is, everything will still be there when I am finished with this.

I decided I was going to give myself a deadline. By Christmas, if I still don't have a place and still am struggling to make things work here, then and only then will I consider going home. It's way too early to think about leaving especially considering there were so many reasons I wanted to come. I haven't done any tours of Ireland as I mentioned, I haven't visited other European countries that I have excellent access to, and I haven't tried hard enough yet. I was exhausted last night and emotional from booze, simple as that. 

Guys, moving abroad has been one of the biggest challenges I've ever faced for so many reasons, but it's also the coolest experience at the same time and has really demonstrated to me that I'm capable of achieving anything I want to achieve. The same guy who could barely speak in front of his class 4 years ago is now living in foreign country, making Immigration and tax appointments, navigating a new life completely alone, it's time to be more proud of myself and less sad about things that will still be ready for me when the time comes.

It's been an emotional roller coaster but I'm determined to give it 100% before I make any kind of decision about returning home. Being an emotional wreck is no fun but sometimes you just gotta let it out :P

HAPPY VEG