Can you guys believe Christmas is in 4 days? I'm missing that Christmas spirit this year despite my best efforts. I've been listening to my favourite Christmas hits every morning as I do my blogging, trying to get in to that happy, festive spirit, but something is just lacking. Is it the lack of snow? Is it missing my mom? Is it my work schedule that has me pretty much working right up until Christmas? I think it's a combination of all of these things but I'll tell you, I just don't feel it this year.

I really miss my mom. Christmas was definitely her time to shine I'll tell you. I miss the chaos. I miss the smell of weeks of hectic Christmas baking. I miss everything about our Christmas' of yesteryear. Things really haven't been the same without her. I also think that as we grow up, the nostalgia of it all kind of diminishes despite our best efforts. While I wish I could still have the youthful excitement surrounding the day, it's just another day anymore, especially when you're just working all the way through. I must admit, I was pretty spoiled at the restaurant when my boss would take her vacation to Mexico and close us for like, 10 days. Sure, I wasn't getting paid, but it definitely felt more like the holidays when I was off and was able to do Christmasy things. Maybe that's another reason this all just feels so lame.

I'm looking forward to seeing my sister and brother over the holidays of course. I'll spend some time with my sister and her family on Christmas day, and some time with my brother and family on Boxing day because everyone doesn't really see each other anymore. My sister / dad and my brother are in this weird place where they haven't really spoken much or spent ANY time together in years. It's a weird dynamic but let's face it, who's family dynamic is perfect? Admittedly, it would be so nice if we could all get together leaving me with one day to spend myself, but that's more so me being greedy. I miss the whole fam getting together but what can ya do?

But that's that. I'm missing the spirit this year you guys. Maybe the next few days will change that, I don't know, but I'm signing off and heading to work. Exhausted, over-tired, and completely missing the Christmas spirit.

Although this is probably rather unsurprising given that I've repeatedly told y'all I'm a bit of a mess, but I really don't thrive in chaos. What I mean by that is when things are constantly coming up that throw a wrench in my plans or what I've set out to do, I find that I get extremely overwhelmed which shoots my anxiety through the roof. My anxiety has been particularly bad these past 6 months or so, I've found that I've been struggling to maintain my composure because I just feel like things have been all over the place.

I've talked about this before, but I shit, shower, and shave in the same order every day. I'm a creature of habit and consistency. Without consistency, I'm a complete basket case and I've certainly found that I've been struggling a lot mentally lately. Both of my siblings were dealt with health scares that really left me anxious at all times and I've not yet recovered. I've talked about my job before and how sales is just something that is not me whatsoever, and the pressure it has put on me mentally with everything else that life throws at you...I'm struggling.

I really try my best to maintain my composure but I can tell I'm cracking. I can feel it. My anxiety has been so bad that I find myself waking up 100's of times throughout the night, stressed about things that haven't even happened. I'm waking up before my alarm and just laying there, staring blankly at the ceiling and over-thinking every facet of my life from my job to my health and everything in between. It's not healthy. I miss the version of me that didn't feel like this...he was here a couple years ago. But whoever that version of me was has gone on vacation and left me behind with this version of myself. This version is perpetually nervous, paranoid, and angry. I don't like him.

I know that everything in life is short-lived and I also know that I promised myself I was going to do whatever it took to make 2025 my best year yet. I need new surroundings, new scenery, new opportunities, and less stress lol It all starts somewhere and for me, it'll start at home. Getting back in to a workout routine and setting out a sleep schedule is where I'll start tackling the anxiety. From there, it'll be about getting back in to the food industry I think. I miss being surrounded by food. Talking about food, seeing people eat and be happy, memories around food. I really do miss it and food IS my passion after all.

Rant over. I'm struggling, but I know I can do this. I'm the only person responsible for my happiness in the end. Everyone around you has their own motives, their own journey and responsibilities, and they might want what's best for you but it doesn't always coincide with what YOU deem to be best. I'm making some major changes this year and I'm determined to get the happy, healthy, and less stressed version of me back. I'm so burnt out from being perpetually anxious and stressed.

You know, I remembered wanting to start this page because growing up, having an open sort of diary was very healing for me. With that being said, I haven't posted anything here in months. As I'm sure most of us would agree after a certain age, life be lifing. If it's not one thing, it's another, and half the time I'm just trying to stay sane enough not to end up committed. Y'all feel this?

I've been up against a lot, despite none of it actually being about me, if that makes sense. Both of my siblings have recently endured grueling health challenges that were very scary for all of us. There's absolutely nothing like finding out your younger siblings are seriously ill. Every day I woke up afraid, waiting for some kind of good news / light at the end of the tunnel. It was quite honestly two of the scariest months of my life. I'm happy to report that they're both on the mend thank goodness, but man, that was incredibly challenging to try and go to work every day and smile when I was dying inside from stress and worry. 

I'm also in the process of trying to achieve some personal milestones. As I always say, we should always be trying to one up ourselves you know? There's a couple things that I took away from my sibling's health issues, mainly my own lifestyle / diet and things that I know are just simply not healthy and putting me in peril of facing a similar fate. I've been slowly making changes and I'm committed to being done with all of these things by my 39th birthday in February. 40 is coming you guys and I know that one is going to sting lol I want to feel my best and be proud of my accomplishments by the time that birthday comes to soften the blow lol

I hate aging, I won't even lie or try to sugar coat things. I find something new is always hurting when I wake up, I found ear hair that just sent me in to a spiral, and the wrinkles, let's not even go there lol I'm struggling with not being where I wanted to be by this age which is kind of weighing on me. With that being said, I remind myself that my mom passed so young and that always grounds me and reminds me to be fu<king grateful I'm even still here. It's hard, but I know I have to try and be positive amidst everything happening. It's far too easy to sink in to a state of negativity when you really don't see things happening for you the way you'd always hoped.

At the end of the day, I'm here, I'm trying, and every day I wake up is a new opportunity to make some changes and be the best version of myself. I'm a work in progress, aren't we all?

​Love you all <3

Change is one of those things that whether we like it or not, it's going to happen regardless. I'm not always the biggest fan of change, especially if that change is forced upon me. When I'm in control of the change, I'm usually quite eager and ready to take on a new experience. When it's forced upon me, I tend to be hesitant and anxious about those changes. Well you guys, the restaurant I've worked at for almost 8 years officially closed for the last time last Friday. Talk about a big, stinky, unwanted change being hurled at me full speed.

To say that I was shocked would be an overstatement. I've worked as restaurant manager, particularly managing the front of house, for 3 1/2 years. I've seen us go from waiting lists for tables, running ourselves ragged to keep up, to where we ended things in the past few months. The day's were slow, even on our busiest days, things paled in comparison to where we once were. I recognized things were going downhill and worked pretty diligently to come up with ideas to bring people back to no avail. We were hit with road closures that left us inaccessible for months, a drag story time event that blew up and saw us boycotted, and covid. I navigated that restaurant as best I could through those challenges but with every new challenge or road block, we barely scarped our way out. It was evident to me for a long time that things weren't going well, I had just held on to that glimmer of hope that things would turn around.

Our final day was a sad one. We came together, ate pizza, had some laughs, and mourned a restaurant that meant something different to each of us. As I walked out for the last time, I knew it was time to accept that this major change was going to be a difficult one to endure. I'm incredibly grateful that I had the salon as a second job / buffer to fall back on but so many things started going through my mind. When will I see everyone again? How am I going to save on just one income? Ugh, I had this big plan to move away next April that relied on my being at both jobs right to the end. Now what? Is that plan even still in place? Is it even feasible at this point?

I don't know. I don't know anything at this point. This past week was one of reflection for me. Mourning the loss of a place I called home for so long, but also mourning my future plans which at this point, are very much up in the air. This is what I call forced change. Sure, I'd seen the signs that things weren't going well, but I was still caught off guard at how quickly the restaurant went up for sale and sold less than a month later. There just wasn't enough time to process everything. I'm not even sure as I type this that I've fully processed or accepted the situation. I'm coasting, just trying to be present for the situations I'm dealing with without putting too much emphasis on my future. Am I back at square one? Not necessarily, but I'm not on track like I was before the restaurant closed.

So here I am, enveloped in a change I didn't want. Change can be good, but sometimes it comes at a cost of losing something so very important to you as it has me. What does the future look like? I'm still trying to figure that out.

I'm so guilty of biting off more than I can chew in life, especially when I have a goal to achieve. When I'm focused on said goal, I tend to put everything I have in to achieving said goal, often times at the expense of my own happiness or well-being. Anyone else guilty of this? 

As I've mentioned before, I have plans on moving next year. I don't quite know yet where I'm headed, keeping my options open, but that's my plan. In order to achieve this plan, I took a second job with the intention of working a day or two extra per week. It has since turned in to 4 days a week on top of the four I work at the restaurant as well. Since about January, I've been averaging 60+ hours per week. It's a lot! With that being said, I paid off debt I incurred from the Government, as well as paying my credit card off completely and actually having a savings developing. This is all fabulous news, but as I said, I sometimes do so at my own expense.

I have a bunionette, which is essentially when the bone in your foot starts to shift and protrude out of the side of your foot. A callous typically develops over the bunionette making it extremely painful. My doctor recommended taking some time off of my feet and keeping spacers in to try and relieve pressure and slowly shift the bone back in to my foot. What's so difficult about that you ask? Well, I need two jobs so that I can continue to save money for my move, but with each day, I find myself in more pain than I was the day before. It seems like I'm working against my own healing to achieve my goals of moving out of the province next year. How do I take two or three weeks off? Sure, it's for my health, but that's two jobs with two schedules to try and accommodate my being unavailable. It isn't possible like, who's paying me while I'm off resting?

I'm so conflicted you guys because I can feel my foot getting worse with every day. The pain has been so intense some days that it actually nauseates me with every step I take. This thing has a heart beat for crying out loud, pulsing and throbbing as I navigate twelve and a half hour days 3 or 4 times a week. I know that I need to continue this schedule in order to keep on track with my plans to move next April, but I worry that my foot won't make it until then and I'll be forced in to surgery to fix my foot before it gets to a point that I cannot walk at all. I'm literally working against my own health in order to achieve this goal of moving next year and I'm conflicted most days about whether this is the right decision.

Ugh, anyone else out there guilty of putting their own health or concerns on the back burner in order to achieve something? Am I making the right decision here or should I be putting this energy in to healing and then going from there? I'm just sop conflicted because I'm so determined to move, but I'm in tremendous pain and don't really have any time in the week to rest my busted foot. I'm overdoing it, but I don't know what else to do. I've always been a work horse, even at my own expense, I don't know any differently.

Anyways, that's that! Happy Thursday guys. Hopefully I can get my head out of my own ass and figure out a way to balance the work load with much-needed self care and rest before I crash and burn y'all.

I'm at a bit of an impasse in my life at the moment. I caught myself getting upset over very trivial things yesterday, and when I actually took the time to try and understand why I was getting so frustrated, I realized it's attributed to my general unhappiness in my current life situation. I don't want to sound depressed or anything, because that's not what this is, it's more of a desire to move on but being unable to that's causing my disdain. 

A couple years ago when the restaurant I work at was sold to a new owner, I saw it as an opportunity to leave and start something new. When I met the new owner, I realized I absolutely loved her and wanted to make sure that she was helped through the process of learning everything and managing the restaurant. Now, 2 years in, I'm back to the same feeling I had at that moment, being so ready to move on to something new but also being unable to for a multitude of reasons. Financially, I'm not ready to move to another province in Canada. Secondly, I don't think it's time to leave because my heart will always be with this restaurant. I've put 7+ years in to this restaurant. I've watched it grow and adapt over 7 years through so many changes. New owners, drag show fallout, and the pandemic, which I'm not entirely sure I've mentally or emotionally recovered from.

The pandemic burnout was real you guys. I don't think anyone really gave hospitality workers the fucking credit they deserved through the covid pandemic. Not only was I trying to navigate this pandemic on a personal level, reading, investigating, learning, and trying to figure out how to adapt, but I was also subjected to the cruel treatment of those who did not want to accept or adapt to how things were going. I was subjected to so much negativity, complaining, aggression, anger, frustration, etc., all because of something I had absolutely no control over. It was one of the worst experiences I had in hospitality throughout my 20 + years in this industry. To be honest, I'm still trying to recover from the experience and I don't think I'm alone.

I want to get out of this city so badly. I want to get away from the people here that trigger anger or frustration in me. I want to get away from the complacency of my life. I think coming off of a year + of travel through Europe only to be forced to stay put for so long and endure 3 years of horrible experiences in hospitality has really affected my mental well being. Being in this city continues to frustrate me and being unable to leave is not helping. I'm trying to remain glass half full, but some of these days or harder than others. I'm just so ready to move on and experience new things again. New places, new sights, new people, etc., I'm just so ready to move on.

That's all for now. I'll be back to write again soon.

A waited a little while to talk about this situation because it really triggered me at the time and dug up some old trauma in my life that I honestly thought I had fully gotten over. It's amazing how we can go decades without thinking about something and suddenly, a situation drums up so many old memories that are shrouded in fear. I guess no matter how "over" something we believe we are, there's always a part of it carried with us forever.

A couple weeks ago, I was walking the trail on my way to work and as I came around one of the bends, I was stopped dead in my tracks as a disheveled man started beckoning at me for help. I immediately froze as it dug up a situation that happened to me when I was a teenager (we'll get into that in a bit). The man was wearing an orange wig and carrying a stick with a prop skull on the end of it. His pants were hanging down as he held them to prevent them from falling completely off. He also had a small, innocent looking puppy with him that I was immediately concerned for as I recognized that this man was not of sound mind. 

Anyways, he started to approach me and realistically, I could have ran, but I stood there, frozen as he approached. He asked me to make a call for him after incoherently telling me a story about his mother who was being cared for. Anyways, I dialed the number for him and he screamed in to the answering machine, spitting all over me as I held my phone towards him. It freaked me out because I could tell he was unhinged and I wasn't sure what was going to happen next. I also remember looking around constantly in hopes that SOMEONE would walk by. It was day time and actually light out so I expected people to be on the trails as they were any other day. After the first call, he explained to me that he was bipolar and hadn't taken his medication but he calmly reassured me that he didn't want to hurt me. At this point, I was sure that this situation was going to escalate.

I dialed another round of numbers until he got in touch with someone on the other end. Their conversation involved stolen cards, drugs, and trying to set up a meeting to "reup." As I stood there, I kept trying to think how I was going to get away from this guy and I also was reeling at their conversation. I didn't want to be any more involved in this situation than I was and I felt like I was hearing things I shouldn't be. I also kept looking down at this puppy who was showing signs of being distressed and it was hurting my feelings. I knew at the very least, I had to do something to help that dog.

As the conversation came to a close, I mentioned that I had a long way to go and that I should probably go. I took control and realized that if he was going to do something to me, he was going to do it regardless of whether I stood and took it, or tried to walk away from the situation. As I left, he was yelling at me incoherently and his dog started following me. I knew I had to do something to help that dog, so once I was far enough away, I called the cops and reported him in hopes that they'd find him and save that puppy. I was terrified for calling but I knew I had to do. He was so unwell and that poor dog had no one looking out for it. I was scared to be honest. Scared that whoever he called had my phone number and would know that I reported him. I was scared that this guy would find me as a result of my calling. So many things going through my mind, but I was proud of myself for calling.

I peeped the news the following morning and discovered that just two streets away, there had been a 6 hour standoff with police involving the same man that approached me on the trails. They described him as "in crisis" which scared me even further. Was he really bipolar? Could I have been the one he snapped on? I was so grateful that i got away because knowing that a short time later he was involved in a police standoff, I could've been in major trouble.

It's taken about this amount of time to get over everything. I've been extra cautious walking the trails in the morning, fearful that I might run in to this man again and that he would immediately recognize me. It's drummed up some old memories that I honestly thought I had fully moved past. Let me elaborate.

When I was 16 or 17, I was waiting for a bus downtown when a man approached me and asked for help. Being young and gay, I was immediately fearful as there were no other people around so there as no one to see what was happening. Anyways, he claimed he had a check to cash but didn't have his card and asked if I'd deposit it for him. I smelled trouble so I attempted to make my way to a local coffee shop claiming I was visiting a friend. He followed me. At this point, I knew he thought that I was the perfect target because offering to come with me was a way to intimidate and manipulate me in that situation. After I realized I couldn't ditch him without running, I claimed I didn't have my wallet and would have to go home which was on the other side of town. I was confident that this would end the situation. It only escalated from there.

The man told me he'd call a cab and bring me to my apartment. AT this moment, I knew I was in trouble. I could have ran honestly, but I really didn't know if this man had a weapon and I was scared to take that chance. Instead, a cab pulled up and a woman joined him as we got in to the cab. The entire way to my house I was silent. I remember thinking oh my gosh, this nut job is going to know where I live and what the hell am I going to do. When we got to my building. I told them I'd run upstairs to grab my wallet. He insisted on coming with me. He followed me up to my apartment and held open the door while I searched for my wallet. The truth was, I had it. It was only an attempt to break away from this guy. Once I "found it", we went back to the cab and I started thinking about how I would do this. I thought, bring me to my home branch because I know they'll see me on the cameras and know that I was being coerced in to doing this. That was all I could think of in that situation.

We got to my bank and I deposited the check as instructed. When I went to withdraw the money, I realized I had a withdrawal limit that wouldn't let me take out the money. My heart sunk. How was I going to escape this guy when I now deposited his check and couldn't even get the money out. I explained to him I needed to call to release the limit and he looked at me and told me to figure it out. I paced around the vestibule while I essentially begged the head office to release the limit. I truly believe they sensed the fear in my voice because they reluctantly released the limit allowing me to withdraw the money. After I gave him the money, he ushered me back in to the cab and dropped me off back in the same spot downtown he originally found me.

I was shook. I was safe, but I was mentally and emotionally fucked. What just happened? I'm certain I committed a crime, but didn't know where to start because I was so scared. He now knew where I lived. How was I supposed to feel safe knowing this?

The next day, my account was frozen for fraud and I had to report everything to the police. I ended up having to go to a police line-up where I discovered that the man had done this multiple times before and was incarcerated on a different charge. I asked about the money I had taken from my account to cover the fraudulent check. They told me I could sue, but that I probably wouldn't get anything back. So, I was emotionally scarred and lost out on 500 dollars but at least I was alive I guess.

That situation took a while for me to get over but after encountering that man on the trails a few weeks ago, it was clear to me that I had not fully gotten over the initial situation from back in my teens. That's why I froze when he approached me. I was immediately 16 again and all of my common sense went out the window. My immediate thought was to comply to avoid escalation. Insane. I talk a big game most of my life and believe I am strong and confident in my decisions. I don't put up with anything in my life that I don't feel like I should have to. Yet, when presented with a situation that I should have immediately removed myself from, I froze in panic and complied. 

I guess what I'm getting at here is that no matter how over something you think you are, if you've not healed properly from it, something could inevitably bring out those same fears again one day. I did not heal from that situation, I simply blocked it out in order to move on. If we don't allow ourselves to properly cope, this is the result. You hold on to those feelings for life. It was traumatizing when I was 16. I was simply on auto-pilot as an adult when presented with a similar situation. It was evident to me that I had a lot of work to do in order to heal from all of this.

Anyways, that's my story. I'm grateful that the situation on the trails never escalated. I'm glad that I was able to get away and help that dog at the very least. I'm going to deal with paranoia on the trails for a while, that's just the way it is. But I recognize that I have some healing to do y'all.

Well y'all, I haven't really been utilizing this portion of the blog for some time now and I think it's because there's just been too much going on around us. When you look at everything happening on our planet right now, it's pretty overwhelming. The looming pandemic, political division, war in Ukraine, gosh, it's kind of like, bad news around every corner. None of this takes in to account the things that are happening locally as well which is a contributor to some of life's negativity.

A couple weeks ago, the restaurant I work at was supposed to host a drag story time event which had been posted for weeks without any issues. Suddenly, a group of right-wing Christian folk started sharing our post around their network and things got nasty rather quickly. Our restaurant was being called repeatedly by angry people claiming that we were child groomers and pedophiles for allowing an event like this to "infect" children. The resulting chaos caused us to abruptly cancel the event after threats of a protest and the aggressive nature of the language used on their threads. My boss was a wreck, the performers were scared and let down, and I became angry. Angry that there were people out there who were so hell bent on ruining this event without actually knowing what was occurring. Angry that my boss had to go through such a negative point. Angry that the performers had to feel that level of hatred. Angry period. When does the hate end?

While I was saddened by the situation and ensuing nightmare that unfolded, I was especially let down to see an old friend liking some of the posts suggesting that we were child groomers. What a horrible thing to see you know? Did she really believe that that was our intention, that I would in some way be contributing to what she believed to be child grooming? What a weird feeling but also an enlightening one. I deleted her ass off of everything and then I thought, was she judging me throughout our friendship? Was she anti-gay as we spent time together? Ugh, how can you not run those things through your head? It was so hurtful but at the same time, not unexpected given everything I'd witnessed from her through the pandemic. There are some people out there who really have this right-wing narrative that people like myself are ruining our planet and corrupting children.

This situation drummed up some really old & sad feelings from high school. I was bullied relentlessly in high school. People threatened me constantly, threw things at me, taunted me, etc., I really went through it. The reason? Simply existing in a world where the LGBTQ community continues to be a target for angry straight people. I didn't understand at the time why everyone around me hated me so much outside of the fact that I was gay, but that was pretty much it. being gay was this astronomical mistake that affected every other person around me so much so that they needed me to know how little they enjoyed my existence. Well here we are folks, 2022 and it's still happening. Worried that kids can catch gay or will be corrupted after spending time with gay men. It's not a new narrative but one that I hadn't experienced in quite some time. 

You know? All I can say is that being an empath RIGHT NOW on our planet is a curse. Every time I open the news something horrible is happening to innocent people. My friend's are enduring big changes in their lives which I have soaked in. The relentless hate hurled at my workplace for over a week has been soaked in. I feel like I wake up weighted and go to sleep feeling the same. I haven't really recovered emotionally from all of the things happening around me. How do we even do that? How do we slap a smile on our face every day when things around us are seemingly collapsing? It's a challenge to remain positive when there is very little positive happening around you and it all stems from hatred. Hate is a powerful message to send you know?

Ugh, I hope y'all are managing everything ok. I hope y'all are staying strong amidst all of the chaos happening on our planet, but also with the challenges you may be facing in your life. We just have to do our best...our best to be kind, respectful, compassionate, and level-headed. It's a fucking challenge though, isn't it? 

How are y'all holding up? What a tumultuous two and half years we've all had with covid being the predominant topic in our lives. Learning to live with masks, distancing, capacity limits, mandates, and non-stop division created both by mandates and superiority complexes. We've seen our countries so heavily divided over everything covid; the severity of it, the importance (or lack thereof) of vaccination, lockdowns, masks, etc., everything covid has been so divisive and I'll tell you, customer service has never been more difficult than it has been during covid. Let me reiterate, how are y'all holding up?

Working in customer service is something I've always loved. I love people, I love talking to people and sharing stories, laughter, and everything in between. I love serving and watching people take their first bite of the food we serve up in the restaurant. Everything about this industry has a special place in my heart. With that being said, these past two and a half years have really caused me to reevaluate what I love about people. I've been on the receiving end of so much negativity, anger, and frustration at the hands of mandates forced upon restaurants. In this time, it's been clear that people are so angry and we've taken the brunt of that anger for enforcing rules that we may or may not even agree with. No one seems to understand that my opinion is irrelevant when I walk through those doors because I'm being paid to do a job and it's as simple as that. 

I'm sure some of y'all have bene in the same situation. Even our friends and family are willing to drive further wedges between each other over our opinions on the situation. I've tried really hard to stay silent on the topic on social media because I don't care enough to argue with someone who wants to shove their thoughts on the topic down my throat. I honestly couldn't care less about covid and what other people think about it you know? That's been the hardest part of all of this in my opinion is dealing with all of the opinions and superiority complexes surrounding the topic. People assuming that if you don't support the trucker convoy than you must obviously support mandates and forced vaccination etc., it's beyond obnoxious. 

At this point as things start lifting and mandates are ending in our province, I'm so ready to move on from all of the crap people have put each other through. I've honestly lost acquaintances that I've had in my life for years over this. So stupid but I don't want anyone in my life who feels like they need to educate me lol I'm good. I care about animals, I care about the environment, and I don't give a flying eff about what you think about covid. Ugh, what a ridiculous and angering few years.

I'm ready to move on y'all for the sake of my mental health. I hope you guys have made it through this relatively unscathed. I've been lucky enough not to catch it but my family has had it and continues to battle it and I know friends who have also struggled with covid. I'm ready for us all to collectively move on and the healing to begin. We need to shift our attention to the mass extinction happening on our planet you know? We need to focus our attention on the fact that within 30 years, ocean levels are set to rise to dangerous levels. These are things that really matter and like, fight for your rights all you want but what's it going to matter when we're under fucking water?

Anyways, I love you all. I'm ready to move forward and start planning my next move. Will I stay local? Will I move out east? Only time will tell but one thing I know for sure is that I'm ready to move on from all of the nonsense. 

Holy shit y'all, this planet is in some serious turmoil. There's nothing but negativity and bad news around every corner and I'm telling you, it's been downright impossible to try and stay positive amidst all of this. Where do I even begin? Ugh, writing in here has been impossible because I've really just been trying to stay afloat; up against a consistent barrage of negativity, anger, and everything in between.

The coronavirus. That pretty much sums up the biggest cause of negativity in my life right now, and I believe a lot of us are in the same boat. This pandemic has done an excellent job of driving a further wedge between our civilization. Whether we're arguing about vaccines, passports, segregation..ugh, every day it's like a new debate is sparked that we're forced to be a part of. Being in customer service has made this especially forced upon me because I'm tasked with enforcing rules that not everyone is on board with. People are NOT nice about being asked to put a mask on, it's like I've done something personally offensive to them. My job is to make people happy but everyone is so fucking miserable it's damn near impossible to have a good day anymore.

I also can't stand the constant grumbling because I know of the horrors people in other countries are facing...horrors that we have absolutely no experience in. We're bitching and moaning about masks and vaccines while children are fleeing the Taliban. We're bitching and moaning about masks & vaccines while there are people on the streets who not only have higher chances of contracting covid, but also lack access to food, shelter, or healthcare. We're bitching and moaning about masks while half of Africa's species go extinct. Hello people? If there was ever a more clear example of entitlement, I'd be shocked. We're so entitled omg, we grunt and groan at the most minor of inconveniences while people on the streets give thanks for scraps found in a trash can. We're honestly disgusting.

Of course now there is also an election, another reason for people to bitch and moan and become more segregated. We can't possibly have an election without constantly being attacked for having differing political views. Gosh, some of the ads / memes I've seen on Facebook joke about violence against the current Prime Minister for goodness sake like, how is this acceptable people? I made the mistake of posting on my IG story in support of a political party and was met with 2 or 3 DM's attempting to instigate an argument. I obviously chose NOT to do that, but you see what I'm saying? People are so triggered and just waiting to get angry with you at the first hint of differing views. It's not safe to have a fucking opinion anymore lol

Now they're trying to implement vaccine passports in Canada. I can see them for like, planes and trains and such but for indoor dining? Who's enforcing this? Us? As if we haven't already taken a friggin beating from trying to enforce masks for the past year and a half, how are we suppposed to hold on to our mental health when we're walking in to verbal abuse everyday? It's so stupid.

I'm doing my best to just focus on things that make me happy. My new kitty Leroy is doing a good job of melting the day's worth of stress away when I get home. Music, blogging, and just spending time with family and friends. These are the things life is made for, creating memories. I'll just keep coasting along until the day comes that covid, politics, or whatever the fuck else isn't the daily topic of conversation.